--- title: "Dealing with caregiver guilt and forgiving yourself" description: "When you are a family caregiver, the grief and guilt can leave you feeling down. Learn how to forgive yourself and accept that you are trying your best." url: https://homecare.preview.multisites.ai/caregiver-resources/caregiver-forgiveness-and-guilt/ publisher: HomeCare.com phone: 800-974-3458 start: https://care.homecare.com/?source=homecare.com --- Caregiver support # Dealing with caregiver guilt and forgiving yourself Published March 10, 20173 min readBy HomeCare.com ![Caregiver Forgiveness-Guilt](https://homecare.preview.multisites.ai/_astro/1f90a96c14fad58c91a2cf498a33e7b7-caregiver-forgiveness-guilt.D6TTfBw1_Z2srKy7.webp) On this page 1. Grief 2. Guilt 3. Forgiveness 4. The power of forgiveness 5. You’re not alone Questions about care for your family? [800-974-3458](tel:+18009743458) A study by the Sloan Center on Aging & Work at Boston College found that older Americans who have engaged caregivers feel happier and more content. However, this isn’t always the case for everyone, and it certainly doesn’t mean that caregiving is easy. But it doesn’t have to be always sad, stressful, or emotional either. Caring for someone else can take a huge emotional toll, which is why it is so important to take a step back to make sure that you are caring for yourself and addressing your emotional needs. ## Grief Grief is perhaps the most common and surprising emotion felt by caregivers. Even long before the person they love and are caring for passes away, caregivers can become overwhelmed by grief. Strokes, aneurisms, Alzheimer’s, and other ailments with neurological consequences may take from us the people we love long before they pass away. Feeling grief in such situations is completely normal, but that doesn’t mean that you should suffer in silence. Separating the person that they once were from the person they are now, without sacrificing any love or commitment to them, is an important step. You can’t hold someone suffering from neurological damage to the standard you held them to before. In many ways (like their personality, memory and cognitive function) they are a new person. Forging a relationship with the “new” person is a great way to combat grief. Many caregivers enjoy sharing artistic outlets, reading, family visits and other stimulating activities that can be tailored to any level of skill or ability. [Read more about engaging activities to do with your loved one who suffers from memory loss](https://homecare.preview.multisites.ai/chronic-conditions/activities-for-people-with-dementia/). ## Guilt Guilt is one of the most common and devastating consequences of being a caregiver. Guilt for mistakes you made in the past, things you said, arguments about trivial things you no longer care about, guilt for neglecting your family, and even guilt for resenting those around you and the care-free life they lead. Many caregivers blame themselves for resenting their role as a caregiver. These feelings are perfectly normal, but that doesn’t make them healthy or productive and could lead to [overwhelming caregiver stress](https://homecare.preview.multisites.ai/family-resources/caregiver-stress/). Identifying feelings of guilt and acknowledging them is a critical first step. Use your personal support network (family, friends, a doctor or a counsellor) to help you maintain your own well-being in trying circumstances. ## Forgiveness Forgiving yourself is the most important step to overcoming guilt. Every caregiver experiences extreme guilt from time to time, but this guilt is almost never warranted, fair, or helpful. No one is perfect, and you can’t blame yourself for taking on the caregiver role, or for delegating it to someone else when you are no longer capable. You are human, you are imperfect. By taking on the responsibility of being a caregiver at any point in your loved one’s journey you have already shouldered a huge burden under which many people would crumble. You should be proud of yourself, forgive yourself, and remember all the great things you have done, instead of criticizing yourself. Lack of forgiveness is a common theme for caregivers who find themselves caring for someone who once hurt them or their loved ones. This is often the case for families with a history of domestic or substance abuse. You don’t have to care for a former abuser, rival, or ‘frenemy’ but if you find yourself in a position of doing so then embracing forgiveness is so important- not for them, but for you. Holding onto resentment will only amplify the complex emotions that come with being a caregiver. ## The power of forgiveness Forgiveness is a complicated process to work through that requires you to shine a light on some of the inner parts of your emotional psyche. It is sometimes a painful process, but one that is worth it. Fox News recently reported that forgiveness reduces stress, helps you lose weight and may even help you live longer. I’ve experienced the healing power of forgiveness first-hand. After finally being able to forgive my mother and father I found relief from my asthma and allergies —conditions that were so bad I was hospitalized on several occasions. I also lost 25 lbs and all my relationships improved, which helped me find happiness. ## You’re not alone Being a caregiver can feel incredibly isolating. To deal with feelings of grief and guilt you need to reach out to your network, and if necessary, to professionals who can help you through the process. This article was first published on HomeCare.com on March 10, 2017. Program rules and costs change; see our [current cost data](https://homecare.preview.multisites.ai/cost-of-home-care/) and [guides](https://homecare.preview.multisites.ai/guides/) for up-to-date figures. ## Terms in this article - [Caregiver stress](https://homecare.preview.multisites.ai/glossary/caregiver-stress/) - [Dementia](https://homecare.preview.multisites.ai/glossary/dementia/) ## Keep reading - [**7 Tips to Manage Caregiver Stress**Caregiver stress or caregiver burnout afflicts many families. When providing care for a senior, you can put your health and well-being in the backseat.](https://homecare.preview.multisites.ai/family-resources/caregiver-stress/) - [**Engaging Activities for People with Dementia or Alzheimer’s**There are many activities that you can plan for someone with dementia. Keep it simple and engaging and you'll both have fun!](https://homecare.preview.multisites.ai/chronic-conditions/activities-for-people-with-dementia/) - [**What 24-Hour and Live-In Home Care Really Cost**At the national median of $35 an hour, round-the-clock care by shifts works out to an estimated $840 a day, $5,880 a week and about $25,550 a month. Live-in...](https://homecare.preview.multisites.ai/guides/24-hour-and-live-in-care-cost/) - [**Home Care Agency, Registry or Private Caregiver: Who Employs Whom and Who Is Liable**The three models differ mainly in who employs the caregiver. With an agency, the caregiver usually works for the agency. With a registry, you usually hire...](https://homecare.preview.multisites.ai/guides/agency-vs-registry-vs-private-caregiver/) - [**Companion Care vs Personal Care: What Each Level Does and Does Not Do**Companion care gives company, light housekeeping, meals, rides and reminders. Personal care adds hands-on help with bathing, toileting, dressing and moving...](https://homecare.preview.multisites.ai/guides/companion-care-vs-personal-care/) - [**Can a Family Member Get Paid to Be a Caregiver? A State-by-State Guide**Yes, sometimes. Medicaid programs in several states let a person choose a relative as a paid caregiver, though spouses are often excluded or limited. The VA...](https://homecare.preview.multisites.ai/guides/get-paid-to-care-for-a-family-member/) ## Talk to a care advisor today. Free consultation. No minimums, no contracts. [800-974-3458](tel:+18009743458) [Call a care advisor](tel:+18009743458)[Find a caregiver online](https://care.homecare.com/?source=homecare.com) ![A caregiver and an older woman looking at a tablet together](https://homecare.preview.multisites.ai/_astro/personal-hero.DqUYygP8_1Sv1FH.webp)